In Which I Solve Secret Invasion Using Math

March 19, 2008

If you weren’t already aware, Marvel Comics is gearing up for Secret Invasion, a crossover mini-series that will most likely interrupt your favorite stories for the summer. Whereas last year readers were challenged to choose sides in a superhero civil war, this year Secret Invasion wants us to think about which characters we do and do not trust in the wake of an alien invasion… ugh.

Pull out your magnifying glasses, because this will take some detective work!

t_whodoyoutrustf.jpg t_whodoyoutruste.jpg

In a perfect world this would be an opportunity to look at recent out-of-character actions as clues, but it reality it’s impossible to distinguish those things from bad writing: Did a Skrully She-Hulk become a bounty hunter to keep away from the superhero community’s watchful eyes, or did she simply think it would be a cool career choice? Were Spider-Woman and Luke Cage always this interesting, or are the Skrulls working their way into the Avengers using poorly defined C and D-List characters?

These questions could literally go on for hours, but the truth is that this crossover will not be nearly as Earth-shattering as it thinks it is. In the end Secret Invasion will follow the same rules that apply to every crossover of its’ kind: you can shake the package, but can’t break the box.

Here is a simple equation we can follow to determine the identity of probably every Skrull: Add a point for every category a character fills in Column A, and then subtract a point for every category the characters fills in Column B. If a character fits a single category for multiple reasons, count it twice. Pencils ready. Let’s begin!

Column A: Who is NOT likely to be revealed as a Skrull (or die, for that matter:)

  • Characters who headline their own series (Iron Man, Wolverine, etc.)
  • Long-standing characters who have only taken center stage in recent years (Iron Fist, Hercules, Emma Frost, etc.)
  • Long-standing characters who have been resurrected in or played major roles in recent crossovers (Thor, Storm, Captain Marvel, etc.)
  • Anyone your Mom has heard of.

Column B: Who IS likely to be revealed as a Skrull (or die, for that matter:)

  • Characters the mini-series’ writer has an established history with, or created (Maria Hill, Jessica Jones, Elektra, etc.)
  • Long-standing members (not leaders) of superhero teams who contribute little dramatic tension or interest (Wonder Man, The Invisible Woman, The Wasp, etc.)
  • Characters where death is irrelevant, because they’ll be back in a week anyway (Dr. Doom, The Vision, etc.)
  • B and C-list superheroes whose popularity cannot support a monthly series (The Inhumans, Blade, Namor, etc.)
  • Characters who have undergone recent, unpopular changes to their personality, appearance, and/or superpowers (Beast, Speedball, etc.)

Pencils down! Now add up your scores. If your character has a positive score they are NOT a Skrull. If they have a negative score, they ARE. If your score is zero, they are probably safe as well. Let’s do a couple to practice:

Iron Man:

Column A) Not only does Iron Man headline several series (two points,) but he has only recently taken center stage (two points) as a result of the recent Civil War crossover (three points.) Plus, he has a movie coming out that your Mom might have heard of (four points.)

Column B) As a member of The New and Mighty Avengers Iron Man character has a long-standing history with Secret Invasion’s writer, Brian Michael Bendis (one point.)

Final Score: Three points. NOT A SKRULL


Column A) Your Mom might know who Beast is (one point.)

Column B) Not only is he a long-standing member of several superhero teams (Avengers and X-Men, two points) but he his transformation into a more cat-like creature has received mixed reactions (three points.)

Final Score: Negative two points. TOTALLY A SKRULL!

Mr. Fantastic:

Column A) Not only did Mr. Fantastic play a large role in Civil War (one point,) but your Mom probably knows him (she probably knows him as ‘stretchy guy,’ but that counts! Two points!)

Column B) Everyone thinks Reed Richards is a jerk now as a result of Civil War (one point) and he has an established history with the writer via The Illuminati mini-series (two points.)

Final Score: Zero. Probably not a Skrull.

There will obviously be some exceptions to the rule (mostly in the “I forgot that character even existed!” sort of way) but I imagine that this formula will work on just about every crossover ever. 

Try some examples of your own before it’s too late!


8 Responses to “In Which I Solve Secret Invasion Using Math”

  1. I heart this post, almost as much as I heart this blog as a whole.

    Brilliant deduction, but I may be a skrull myself…

  2. tudor5 Says:

    So with your equation…next in line to be revealed as a Skrull…



  3. By my count Hawkeye’s score is zero. Explain your math!

  4. zoldrich Says:

    Wolverine is a skrull check secret wars yea i hate it too
    But mutant healing factor would not allow wolvie to get drunk in secret wars he is and in nick fury’s file says unable to get drunk because of mutant healing factor plus wolvie in various titles has said his healing factor takes longer to heal since about m day storyline

    hawkeye is a skrull check avengers disassembled
    spider woman is a skrull
    dr.strange is a skrull
    His powers seem to wan over the course of the new avengers story line which makes me believe he is not the true dr’ strange also

    jessica jones is a skrull
    Charles xavier is
    How do u think the skrull posing as blackbolt got away with it
    Also his powers have been on the wane since house of m

    Scarlet witch a skrull sometime before avengers disassembled skrulls set the whole thing up
    when house of m went down saw a prime chance to replace alot of mutants when the words no more mutants crossed her lips.
    Ares is a skrull
    Sentry is a skrull
    Colossus is a skrull
    Daredevil we all know from new avengers now but he was recent around the end of civil war i would guess

    White queen yep help hide charles xavier from the others

    Jean grey is coming back and soon i predict

    Nightcrawler would never give up the priest hood yep he a skrull

    Thor not a skrull

    Hulk not a skrull

    Spiderman not a skrull or mephisto would not of bothered to offer peter a way out

    Ant man is a skrull

    well that is my 2 cents and that is about all it is worth to…lol

    thank you for your time
    Until the skrull invasion is no longer a threat make mine marvel


  5. Itai Rosenbaum Says:

    Nice, I liked it.
    The formula is great, and suprisingly accurate, even if does negate my own theories…

    Still think Wolverine’s a skrull…

  6. Spidey_82 Says:

    Nice theory, I’ll check it on other characters later.

    Not sure how accurate it will be eventually (I don’t think either of the 3 characters you mentioned are Skrulls), but it is well thought.

    I’m not sure if it should be added to Column B, ’cause it wasn’t unpopular AFAIK, but Tony Stark has been injected with the Etremis virus and gained super-abilities, a drastic change for the character. Again, don’t think it’s a negative point though.

  7. zoldrich: Everyone seems to think Wolverine is a Skrul,, but I’m just not buying it yet. Not only does the math not line up, but it would undo his post-HOM memory reveal. Although I don’t like Wolverine: Origin(s), I’m willing to bet that Marvel wouldn’t try to undo that so soon.

    Spidey: If Beast is not a Skrull I will eat my hat. Also, I’m pretty sure Wonder Man is a Skrull as well.

  8. zoldrich Says:

    beast a skrull a very good possibility but then where would the dark beast fit in. cause we all know he in the xmen business i would think it would be a prime time for him to take advantage of the beast’s misfortune. besides i do not like the new beast very well anyway

    wolverine a skrull i still think so
    That was hard for me cause i love wolvie
    but your right on the wolvie origin unless so how there are 2 differant wolverine posing at same time like in new avengers and another in wolverine possible i can see them doing something like that

    well if wolverine is a skrull i would really interested how they get it to all mesh together

    Mostly i am probaly wrong oh well
    Still like the old coot…

    ps all the heros that landed in secret invasion as we all know are skrulls.. of

    Until wolverine becomes a henchmen for apocolpse..uh oops all ready done
    until wolverine is replaced as a skrull make mine ..oops all ready done couple years ago
    until wolverine becomes the merchant of walking death oops all ready done…umm
    Until wolverine rises in to the sky as the new phonix reborn
    Make mine marvel….lol…lol….lol

    see ya for now

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