Happy Halloween!

Patty (and Josh) hope you kids have a fun Halloween! Yeehaw!

Today’s Conspiracy Theory

My state is on fire.

I’m not denying that strong winds can spread a wildfire out of control, I’m just wondering how so many “wildfires” could spawn over the course of two days You’re telling me they don’t send firefighters out on windy days to look out for these sorts of things? That would seem a hell of a lot more cost effective than calling in every firefighter in the state to do battle with these things once they get out of hand.

You’re telling me that these are the worst wildfires on record? Southern California has been populated for hundreds of years… shouldn’t the Fire Department be getting better at their job?

Sounds to me like someone just wants to earn some overtime. Well played, assholes.

Faith and Tacos

Rather than fill out a crossword puzzle or angst, I’ve been trying to spend my downtime at work getting to know my colleagues: There are the divorcees, the homosexuals, the Skipper, and the rest. I have come to know each of their stories well, and even made a few friendships along the way.

Then there is The Christian. The Christian (or “Ian” for short) is the one coworker who I’ve yet to form any sort of meaningful bond with. Like me, he’s tall, polite and quiet, but that is where the similarities end. Unlike me Ian does not worship an overweight English Bulldog, but rather our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. In addition to cleaning tables and mopping up salsa, Ian makes a point of telling each and every one his co-workers about his faith. That is, he tells each and every one of his co-workers about his faith except for me.

At first this didn’t bother me. Fine, if he didn’t want to share his God with me then I would entertain myself with more meaningful activities, like making paper hats out of children’s menus. Unfortunately the story did not end there, for Ian decided to take on a much more active role in sharing his faith.

It was Tuesday morning and I had just arrived at the restaurant. Tony, one of my more entertaining co-workers, greeted me as I entered.

“You wouldn‘t believe what just happened. Ian is trying to convert me again.”

I laughed as Tony told me of the busboy’s heartfelt offer. He had declined before, but now it seemed Ian was willing to give it a second try, even going so far as giving Tony his phone number “just in case.” I reasoned that the busboy attempted to convert Tony because of his three children, and was willing to leave it at that until another co-worker revealed that Ian had tried to convert her as well.

A quick poll of the restaurant confirmed my worst fears: Ian has been attempting to convert everyone in the restaurant to Christianity except for me. Not only that, but he had been successful in getting several interested parties to visit his church; It seemed that even though he was a crappy busboy Ian was an excellent missionary.

Confused and frustrated I immediately confronted Ian about the matter.

“Are you trying to convert Tony?”

“Yeah. I think he would be happier if he reconnected with his faith.”

“And what about everyone else? Are you trying to convert everyone here?”

“Just about.”

“Then why aren’t you trying to convert me?”

“Do you want me to try and convert you?”

“What? Hell no!”

There was an awkward moment of silence.

“…Then what was the problem..?”

I thought about this carefully, and went back to waiting on my tables. We haven’t spoken since.